Nope – not ‘pregnant until proven otherwise.’ Now, I’m just pregnant.
It worked. Up to this point, our IVF was a success. I’m officially pregnant.
Ahhhhhhhhh!
We got the news last Thursday. As I mentioned, we are on vacation, and we knew that we would get the results while away. This was definitely a blessing. We had J’s parents with us in the High Country in North Carolina, and there was definitely enough to keep me distracted. I did pretty well not symptom-spotting (I knew my body was all jacked up from meds anyway), but I was a little concerned about any kind of activity: “Am I exerting myself too much on this hike? Am I sweating too much? Is the gravel on the bike trail jostling me too much?” I tried to eat all of the good fertility foods like dark greens, pineapple, avocado, peanut-butter, oatmeal, and Brazilian nuts (which I couldn’t find anywhere, but ended up finding them in a spinning rack of snacks in no-name town gas station food mart. Go figure.)
My nerves really started kicking in on Wednesday night, knowing that the next day, the verdict would be in.
I tossed and turned most of the night, and once I did finally doze off, J. woke me up with a kiss: “OK. Time to get up now. Big day today.”
The process was fairly easy; we opted to go to the outpatient lab at Ashe Memorial Hospital, as they could deliver same-day results for the beta test; the hormone tests would take longer, but that was okay; my doctor was keeping me on progesterone and estradiol as a precaution until I got home.
The lab tech told me that she couldn’t call me with the results, but they would fax them immediately to my doctor, who would call me. I was good with that; good or bad news, I would rather hear it from them.
After we left, J. asked me if I wanted to take a home-pregnancy test – just so I wouldn’t be tortured wouldn’t torture him all day. I opted not to- too much fuzziness for false positives or negatives – and really, I just wanted to get the news from the doctor.
In the meantime, I was trying to steel-up and get myself in a strong state-of-mind, whatever the news. I reminded myself of the last few blog-posts I wrote, about trials making faith stronger, not weaker. About how the ones who hope in the Lord get stronger, mounting up above troubles with wings like eagles. I knew if I got bad news, it would be hard. Disappointing. Sad. But I really wanted to purpose to be strong, whatever happened.
Strong like an eagle. An eagle rises above the storm. A person whose hope is in the Lord can be strong in a storm and rise higher.
Well, I didn’t have wait too long. By about noon, as I was sitting out on the porch, the phone rang. I didn’t even have time to contemplate whether I should let it go to voice-mail or answer. Instinctively, I picked up.
“Hi Katherine, we have your results….”
Silence.
“Okaaaaaay?”
“It’s positive! Congratulations!”
The nurse went on to tell me that my number was 182; they were looking for anything above a 5, so that was good! (This was Day 14 after egg-retrieval, the equivalent of Day 28 of a regular cycle). They wanted another blood test in 2 days, which was fine, since I had the script for that anyway. Again, she congratulated me, told me to start my Lovenox injections, and I would check in after the next test.
J. was listening to the whole conversation, so he knew the good news. Immediately, he hugged me, and we prayed a prayer of thanksgiving. As this was happening, we saw an eagle drop down and fly over the river that was across the street from us. I knew God was present.
My second blood test was Saturday. By this time, we were in Tennessee with J’s parents, and I had to go to a different hospital. This didn’t go as smoothly. First, there was poor old Betty, who got stuck on the computer in a patient chart with the same name and couldn’t get out. We would have been waiting a long time for either, A. – Betty to figure it out (wasn’t happening), or B. – for the Help Desk to answer her plea. As nothing moves quickly in the South and my NY impatience was beginning to get the better of me, dear, sweet, competent Shelly came to the rescue and took care of us.
Then we had a second issue. The diagnosis on my script was coming up invalid, and they couldn’t do the bloodwork without it. You’re kidding, right? Not to be put off or discouraged, I asked if she could call my doctor, and yes, she could if they were open. Thankfully, I knew they were, and the rest was taken care of pretty quickly, and I was out of there, blood drawn and all, in about 15 minutes.
In the meantime, we were leaving J’s parents and heading to Gatlinburg for week #2 of our vacation. I called my doctor’s office around 1 p.m. to see if they had gotten results. They hadn’t. They were closing around 2:30, and if they got the results before then, they would call.
I was going to just let it go, but J. urged me to call the hospital to follow-up. Well, good thing I did. The lab tech tried to tell me they couldn’t fax the results to my doctor, and I would have to go through medical records. I knew that couldn’t be right. I explained my situation, that my script was from NY and that the doctor wrote the fax number on it specifically to get the results ASAP.
Turns out, at this hospital, the blood was drawn in the ER and then sent down to the lab. The lab didn’t have my actual script with the fax #; all they had was the lab order in the computer. Once the lab tech confirmed what I told her, she faxed the results right away.
At 2:27, just minutes before the office closed and while J. was in Food City, they called. Beta number had gone up to 468. According to my research, levels are supposed to double every 48 hours, and mine doubled in 1.5 days, so I was in good shape. The next agenda-item to come is a sonogram when I get home. I figure I will be between 5 -6 weeks by then.
So. First. Huge sigh of relief. I know we have such a long way to go, but I am going to celebrate each hurdle we cross. At least one of our embryos stuck. Victory #1.
My beta levels were moving in the right direction. Victory #2. I have to be grateful along the way, no matter what happens.
I am also grateful that we can spend the rest of our vacation with relative peace-of-mind and optimism, instead of needing to console ourselves over another loss.
As for how I’m feeling? Physically, I’m good. I’m trying not to symptom-spot too much. I feel a little tightness and twingy cramps, which I know from my last pregnancies – all normal. I actually felt nauseated 2 night ago and again this morning (not sure if this morning was because I took my vitamins on an empty stomach, though).
As for how I’m feeling emotionally, I am definitely glad I am away and out of my regular environment. Lots of distractions. Of course, fear is always looming at the door, but I am choosing not to acknowledge it. I feel more optimistic about this than my other pregnancies, and I feel this is different in a few ways:
*With my past 2, I spotted with implantation bleeding. I know that is normal and nothing to worry about, but I lost both of those. I didn’t spot with this one.
*I didn’t get BFPs on my home-pregnancy tests until after my period was due – anywhere from 4-6 days later. To me, that says I implanted late. This time, from what I can tell, likely I implanted earlier.
*I’m not sure why I miscarried the last two times – whether it was from my blood issue or if the embryos were abnormal or something else. If it was from my blood issue, I’ve been on baby aspirin for a while and now I’m on Lovenox — so that addresses that. If it was due to an embryo issue, while I know that there are no guarantees with the ones that were transferred, I feel like the best sperm and the best eggs were chosen, and the best embryos were transferred and placed in the ideal location of the uterus. All of those increase our odds, in my opinion.
At this point, if I’m worrying, I’m just borrowing it. To my knowledge, at this very early stage, there is nothing concrete to worry about, only ‘what-ifs.’ And, I am refusing to go there. There will be plenty of time for that if the time comes. I will definitely be holding my breath at my sonogram next week (out of all my pregnancy sonograms, from both pregnancies, every single one except the 5-week sonogram for pregnancy #2 was bad news and more bad news.) I might really need to draw on that eagle-strength in the days to come, but for today, we are pregnant.
We have a long road to go still, very true. But today, things are as good as we could have prayed for, and we are enjoying the happiness of it. It’s been a long, long time since we have felt joy about anything fertility/pregnancy related. Even if it is short-lived, we have this week to enjoy it and dream a little.
So, until then, we’ll have fun knowing that we are back at our honeymoon spot, but this time, pregnant. We’ll have fun wondering if there are twins in there. We’ll have fun imagining that this pregnancy might really be it.
And, Lord-willing, it will be.
(PS – Real-life friends: Shhhhh!!! 😉 )
[Photo Credit: Public Domain Images]
Yay! Congrats! I want you to only think that this pregnancy IS okay and will be okay!! I am praying and asking that the Lord protect you and guard your womb! love ya! xo
Thanks for your prayers, Elisha! And for your card, too! Your sincerity and caring is truly beyond words. I am praying for you all the time….so want this to happen SOON for you! Praying it will, that the smiley face was just the beginning of changes that God is doing in getting you ready for a BFP! xoxo
I love me some details!! Thanks precious!!! <3 Yay!!!
Oh, you’ll get details!!! xoxo,baby!!!
Oh my gosh!!! I’m so darn excited for you!!!!! I thought from the title that this month didn’t work out but I’m so glad that it did!!!! Yay! I hope you enjoy the rest of your vacation! So exciting. Saying a prayer for you now! 🙂
Thank you for your prayers, Shelby! That means so, so much to me! We had a great vacation and so grateful for good news! xo
Yes! Yes!! Yes!!! I’m grinning from ear to ear I’m so excited and happy for you!! I’ve been checking for your update every single day since the 14th! Congratulations!! Stay positive!!! Hugs!!
Thank you for staying with me through this!!!! It means so much!!! How are YOU??? Where have you been????? I need an update!!!!! Miss you! xo
I’ve been so bad with updates, but one is in the works. I’m 2.5 weeks away from my due date – I keep checking for more updates from you too. I’m so happy for you!! So darn happy!!
Two weeks!!!!!! Oh my gosh! For a little while, we are pregnant at the same time!!!! Can’t wait to hear your news! Update is coming soon! xoxo
I wasn’t so crazy feeling we would be pregnant at the same time after all 😉 can’t wait to hear more from you about it all!
I am “over the moon” excited for you and praising God tonight! So many prayers coming your way! xo
Thank you so much for your support, prayer, and excitement for us!!! Means so, so much!! xo
Praising the Lord!!
Thanks, Lynette! Still a long road but grateful for every victory! Thank you for your prayers!
Wonderful news Kate, sending you loads of love xxx
Thanks, my friend! I tried to comment on your last post but I was on my phone and not sure if it went through. So, so excited that Nacho will be here soon!!! Simply amazing, especially thinking back to where things were at right before you conceived. So glad to hear things are on track with DH again, too. All the love and prayers in the world to you and Nacho!!! xoxo
Eeee! So happy to hear your news!!! I’ve been checking for updates and this is amazing news. Well done, stay happy and hang in there – the journey is just beginning 🙂 xxx
Thank you for your support and encouragement! It means so much! I am doing my best to be happy and grateful for every moment and not to project too much! Thank you for being so enthusiastic! Incredibly humbling! Thank you!
So happy for you both! Sending you lots of prayers and positive vibes. XO
Thanks, Lisa!!! That means so much! We are praying the good news keeps coming! xo
AWESOME news!!! XOXO
“With my past 2, I spotted with implantation bleeding. I know that is normal and nothing to worry about, but I lost both of those. I didn’t spot with this one.” – From experience, ALL differences are good thing!
Praying for you. <3
Thanks for your encouragement, Valerie! I am choosing to believe that the differences are a good thing, too! Your prayers means so much! Thank you!! Hugs, friend!
Fantastic news! Congratulations. Wishing you all the best for the coming months. xoxo
Thank you so much! We are believing God for this one to make it!
Just found your blog. Congratulations! Looks like we’re on a pretty similar timeline. So happy for you!
Awesome! I will be checking on your progress too! Just found out we have only one, but we are thankful for that! Looking forward to following your journey!
Amazing news, congrats again! I can’t believe that you saw the eagle–I have chills. I love this line, “At this point, if I’m worrying, I’m just borrowing it.” Good for you for refusing to borrow any trouble! I know first hand that it’s hard to be optimistic after a loss or losses, but I have a good feeling about this pregnancy. It really just seems like it was meant to be. Can’t wait to hear about your successful sonogram!
Thank you so much! It is hard to fight fear and worry. I have good days and less than good days, but I am truly seeing that worrying will not change what will be. The worst thing I can do. Thank you for your excitement for us! Means so much!
Thank you Jesus!! Celebrating with you and praising him right now!! Believing with you for a healthy, full-term pregnancy!!!
Thank you, Caroline! Your faith and enthusiasm means so much! We are trusting God to see this baby through to delivery! Thanks for joining in faith and prayer! Love ya, girl!!! xo
Yipeeee!! So happy for you guys Katie!!! Keep up the positive thinking!! Your baby is on his/her way!! xoxo
Thank you so much for your excitement! It means so much!! xoxo
I am so thrilled for you and your hubby. I was down a similar road not too long ago. You will continue to be in my thoughts and prayers. Take it day by day and keep strong in your faith. It is in His hands and we have a great and powerful Father who loves us. Hugs and huge congrats!
Tiffany
Journeywiththejobs.blogspot.com
Thank you, Tiffany! Your encouragement means so much. It is a roller coaster of emotions, but you are right. It really is just taking things day by day. Just have to trust God’s plan and believe He is in controll! Thank you again!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! that’s all I have to say 🙂
Thank you, Lisa! I know (from personal experience) that it can be so hard to muster up joy when things aren’t going our way. You enthusiasm means so much and I am constantly praying your day comes SOON!!!!! xoxo
Awesome news!!! Congratulations!!! ❤️
Thank you soo much ! It feels miraculous to us!
I was sad at first thinking it was negative. But I am so excited for you!! Congratulations!! Praying and believing with you for a happy and healthy 9 months
Thank you so much, Lisa! Every second is a mix of excitement and fear, but trusting God to carry us each day! Thanks for your prayers! 🙂
Congratulations! My prayers are definitely with you as you move forward!
Thank you! Praying you find lots of joy this year and see God’s hand in why things have unfolded like they have! Believing God for good things for you!
I’m sorry I missed this earlier, apparently my avoidance of other women’s pregnancies of late has overtaken my attention span and I didn’t even see your update come up in my reader. Congratulations, I am so very happy for you two lovebirds.
No worries. I often skip certain posts when I’m not really in a good place to read them. Thank you so much. I am thinking of you often and praying you get answers and direction for your next steps!!! Such a grueling journey…much love and prayers to you!
Thank you so much for the prayers and love!
Kate-
Isn’t it something to have the support from so many who you will never meet, who share your ups and downs.
I’m guessing God will have His thumbprint on the little one. Here’s hoping all the goodness from heaven.
jack
Thank you so much, Jack. Yes, the outpouring of support and concern has been overwhelming. We are praying daily for this little one to have God’s hand on his/her life! Thank you again!
Very, very excited for you!!
Thanks so much! We are nervous and excited – but very grateful!
Rejoicing!!!!
Thank you, friend! Means so much! xo
Oh My Gosh! Wow! I’m so excited for you. I will be praying too. What a blessing Kate.
“We’ll have fun wondering if there are twins in there.”
–I was thinking while reading this, “hmmmmm, could it be that there are twins in there?
Really Kate, C O N G R A T U L A T I O N S!!!
Hugs and love <3
Staci
p.s. I have finished the subtitles to our most recent film, "Internal Mazes" (did you know about this film?) Anyhow, if you would like to watch it, let me know and I'll send you the link. I am actually wanting to get feedback and opinions back from various English-speakers, being that it's in Portuguese with subtitles. It is a feature length film inspired by the Biblical story of Hosea, set in our time, addressing prostitution and sex tourism. This film aims to mobilize the church of Christ to question it's role in a fallen society, and demonstrates the Grace of God. If you would like to watch the trailer, you can do so here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UbxfdTbZYac
Blessings Kate.
🙂
Thanks so much, Stasi! We found out this week that it’s a singleton but we are grateful for that! I def. would love to see the film you mentioned it!! We are just starting school this week, so I don’t know I will be able to view it, but I would definitely love to do it! Sounds like an amazing project! Congrats on your work with it!
Ahh this is so great!! From day 1 of my pregnancy I realized there was so much to worry about — then a friend said to me, “Welcome to a lifetime of worry” …and I realized I had to just let it go and leave it with the Lord, or for the next 9 months, and then 18 years (and beyond), I would find something new to worry about every day! So our commitment since the BFP was to take joy in each day the Lord gives us with this baby, and “let tomorrow worry about itself.”
Anyway, just wanted to say congrats and praise the Lord for this blessing, this day!
Thank you so much for sharing that! I have thought about that many times over the past few days, and it has helped. There will always be more to worry about – when does it end??? Thank you again for the encouragement. It has helped me refocus!! 🙂
YES YES YES YES! Just now catching up and soooo excited for you!!! Prayers and love sent your way! Believing this is it! Congratulations!!
Thanks, Chels! We are grateful for a BFP, for sure. Still so far to go, but I know worrying won’t make a difference!! Still thinking of you and praying for your miracle SOON!!!!!! xoxo
Ahhhh.. I am sooo excited for your Kate!!! This just brought tears to my eyes and totally made my day!! I know it’s still the fist few stages of the journey but I am so happy that it started with good news! God is faithful! I can’t wait to read your future updates 🙂 I’ll be keeping you and your little one(s) in my prayers!! xoxo
Anna, thank you so much. We are praying that God will see us all the way to delivery with this one. Thank you for your sincere joy and for your prayers!!! Your support means so much! Thank you, friend! xoxo
I’m crying more tears of joy! Oh hon, I’m so happy for you! I’m saying so many prayers right now!
You are so, so sweet. Thank you for your sincere joy and prayers. Means so much! Your miracle has inspired me many times!!! xoxo
Congratulations Kate! It’s always so encouraging when I read about success stories!! xo
Thank you so much! It really is miraculous!!! Grateful for you reading! 🙂
I can’t wait to follow along with your journey!! xo
🙂
Wonderful news!!! I am so thrilled for you and praying all continues to go well. Congratulations!!!!
Thank you so much! I miss reading your blog! I hope you will be writing again once you are adjusted to all the new goodness in your life! 🙂