Photo Credit: Molumen
I left off in Part 1 with a positive pregnancy test.
I stood in the bathroom in disbelief. This could not be right. Pregnant? Me? I didn’t ovulate…I thought? And mid-cycle, when I thought I wasn’t ovulating, we just sort of stopped trying. I wasn’t sure how this could be possible.
I stood there frozen. I didn’t know what to do. Do I run out and tell J.? Do I wait? Do I call my mom???
It was Sunday morning, and J. was getting the house and yard hurricane-ready, and I decided not to tell him yet. My main thought was, ‘What if the test was wrong? What if it was a mistake?”
So, I went to church by myself that Sunday, and I didn’t hear a word my pastor said. All I could think about was this secret I had that no one knew. No one knew that there was this new little life inside of me. It was surreal. Everything looked and felt different. I was pregnant.
The next day, Monday, Hurricane Sandy was set to hit Long Island. Because of the devastation we knew was coming, most of Long Island shut down to get ready (Long Island got it right that time – a first); J. still had work, but I didn’t have school.
Still not believing my test from the day before, I took another test Monday morning. Just in case (I had a pretty good inventory of the cheap tests).
I called my OBGYN right away and told them I had a positive pregnancy test. I was scheduled for a sonogram that Thursday, for my cyst, but we switched my appointment to a pregnancy confirmation. I would have to wait until Thursday though, after the storm had passed.
I decided that I wasn’t going to tell J. until I went to the doctor. Call me neurotic, but I wanted to be sure. No use getting his hopes up without cause.
So, as Hurricane Sandy swept in that Monday afternoon and overnight, I kept my secret. It was just between me, God, and this little being inside me. While there was a raging hurricane without, there was emotional one within. I just couldn’t find my center, I couldn’t wrap my mind around it. After two positive tests, I still didn’t want to get my hopes up either, I suppose.
By Tuesday morning, Hurricane Sandy blew through with all of its devastation and wreckage. Comparatively speaking, we did OK. In fact, we didn’t lose power until after the storm, when a transformer blew out down the road.
But on Tuesday morning, my own internal hurricane was still raging, and I took a third test. (I know. I’m crazy.). I was worried that somehow, I wouldn’t be pregnant any more.
Yes, I was still pregnant.
However, I was agonizing inside. I so wanted to tell James, to tell someone – but I resolved not to until the doctor confirmed it. And the hurricane only complicated it (I know, I was very self-centered. People were dealing with much worse!). Traveling was virtually impossible on Long Island after the storm. Trees were down everywhere, power was out, the island was running out of gas. It was insane. Phone lines were down, internet was down, 3G was limited. Trying to function was pure chaos. While trying to figure out where I was going to shower or where I could go to charge my phone or where I could go during the day to stay warm or where I could go that was close enough where I wouldn’t run out of gas, this all seemed secondary.
I was pregnant.
And while the island was climbing out of its devastation, all I could think about was this pregnancy. Hurricane relief almost seemed like white noise to me. On Thursday, the morning of my appointment, I couldn’t get through to the doctor to confirm my appointment. Their phones were out, as was mine, and I had heard that the roads in that area were still impassable. On a gamble, I took a chance. I decided to drive by the office closer to my house, and maybe they could tell me something.
Turns out that they had rescheduled my appointment for this office and tried calling. Perfect!
So, I met with the doctor, they gave me the test, and yes, it was positive. I kept asking the nurse, “You are sure? You’re sure it’s positive???”
Yes, yes, she assured me. It was definitely positive.
We scheduled a sonogram for two weeks later, and yes, I could tell J.
We were all caught up in Hurricane Sandy drama – it seemed a little wrong to share good news in the midst of all the tragedy around us. But this was our good news. I wasn’t sure how to tell J., but I decided on a card with the positive pregnancy test inside. (Didn’t really have a lot of creative options available given the circumstances).
I left the card on the table in the living room and waited for him to come home. When he walked in from work (he works for the Dept. of Social Services so he was mandated to go in), he saw the card and said, ‘What is that???’ (He feels bad sometimes if I do something sweet like that for him and he didn’t do something for me).
A huge smile broke out on his face: sunshine in the middle of the storm.