When Motherhood Isn’t Quite What You Expected: Unbound Book Review, by Jamie Sumner

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If motherhood has you feeling like you are in over your head and it’s just not what you expected, Jamie Sumner’s new book Unbound, is the gulp of fresh air you are looking for.  Read on as I give my review!

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Motherhood: Everything & Nothing I Expected

This week, my twin little guys turned 3 years old.  As I was doing the obligatory Facebook and Instagram posts gushing over my boys (as per Mom Etiquette 101), I started to think about what being a mom has been like since their birth:

“Motherhood is everything and nothing that I expected. It has brought out the best and the worst of me at times. Whether it’s a good day or a bad day, I can’t look at these faces for too long without remembering God’s goodness to me.”

‘They’ say marriage is a mirror that reveals the person you really are, but I think motherhood exposes our deepest fears, hang-ups, weaknesses, and control issues on a way deeper level. You have this romantic picture in your head of what being a mom will be like, that it’s the just the most amazing and magical thing in the world. And it is.

And… it isn’t. And when motherhood is not what we expected, well, we all know how that goes.

While I was reflecting on all this, I happened to be reading Jamie Sumner’s book, Unbound, at the same time. As my motherhood musings collided with her book, I thought, ‘She is reading my mind. She totally gets it.’  And thankfully, when all of those things about us come to light, Jamie points us to the bumpy, messy, unpredictable – yet safe and secure – dirt road of grace in Unbound.

About Jamie

First, let me say a few things about Jamie. I don’t really remember when we first crossed paths via social media, but I’m pretty sure it was through a Facebook group for bloggers, and then on Instagram.  Not only was I drawn to her writing from the start (as a former English teacher, I’m a pretty tough critic), but we had a few crazy similarities: we both struggled with infertility, we both had miscarriages, we’ve both had children via IVF, we both have twins, we were both high school English teachers, and we both might have a semi-obsessive appreciation for C.S. Lewis.

I didn’t want to get all fan-girl about it, but I definitely felt she was a kindred spirit from the get-go. I’m not sure if she’s an Anne of Green Gables fan, too, but that would be… well, no words.

Anyhow, from the start, any interaction I had with Jamie has been heartfelt, sincere, and helpful (she even offered me her recommendations of some good beach reads, which, we all know, is as close as a mom’s going to get to relaxing on the beach).  She felt like a friend from the ‘meeting’ – and that’s the same feeling you’ll get when you read her book: warm, funny, open, down-to-earth, vulnerable. Real.

When I heard about her book, I offered to do a review, and she graciously welcomed me to the team. I’m so glad she did, because I had a feeling this book would be something special.

I was right.

When Motherhood, Life, and God Collide

In Unbound, Jamie walks us through her story of motherhood as well as her road to becoming a mom: her infertility struggles, her miscarriage, her life-threatening birth story, and her agonizing journey with her firstborn son Charlie, whose frail life hung in the balance in the NICU and was after diagnosed with  Beckwith Wiedemann Syndrome and cerebral palsy. Her story alone will keep you glued page after page.

But what I love about this book goes beyond just Jamie’s story, as incredible as it is.  It’s God’s story through Jamie’s life.  She talks in detail about each step of her journey where God was, slowly but definitely, prying the {perceived} controls out of Jamie’s hand and teaching her how to let go and allow God to bring about His perfect plan for her and her family.

Each chapter of the book includes an aspect of Jamie’s story – starting with trying-to-conceive up to her present day life with Charlie and her twins, Jonas and Cora. But it also includes a woman from the Bible who was going through a similar challenge, and Jamie highlights the wisdom we can gain. The correlation isn’t that the woman faced the exact same situation as Jamie; it is more of what God was teaching both of them (and us, too, by the way).

That’s the beauty of the book.  You don’t have to be a someone who struggled or struggles with infertility or miscarriage or a special needs child to relate.  The lessons God taught Jamie, that God was teaching the women of the Bible, that God is teaching all of us, too – are universal.  They transcend time, place, and situation. Jamie seamlessly weaves her story, their stories, our stories and God’s story all together (as God usually does, too).

While I could relate to many parts of her book from personal experience (yes, some aspects of infertility and treatments are absolutely universal and almost comical in hindsight if they weren’t so heart-wrenching at the time), I was able to lift out the other lessons from both her life and the biblical women referenced.  Jamie guides us to these truths – always closing every chapter with how the lesson applies to any woman, regardless of what her particular struggle is. She includes guiding questions and Scripture to really help you extract what God might be saying, just in case you missed it.

For example, in Chapter 5, “‘The Loss’ and Naomi,” Jamie describes her miscarriage and the numbness and bitterness she experienced toward God after her loss.  She relates that to Naomi, who lost her husband and both her sons, and was bitter toward God as well.  Different losses, yet the same emotion.  In this chapter, Jamie helps us identify losses we’ve faced, coping mechanisms we’ve used, and how to explore that particular challenge biblically.

And it’s never preachy.  Jamie openly shares her own struggles with honesty and vulnerability (and – with humor and masterful writing as well, by the way).

The Right Version of Our Lives

While Jamie is telling her story of her struggles in how she became a mom as well as her struggles once she became a mom, the theme throughout is the same: letting go of your plans and expectations of motherhood, of life, of God Himself – and trusting Him to be God and give you the life He has specifically designed for you. Here’s one of my favorite quotes from the book:

 

I LOVE this.  Who hasn’t wondered, at some point, whether in motherhood, in loss, in marriage – if God somehow got it wrong and mucked up the plan (which always begs the question – whose plan?)?  But as Jamie shares her life, you are convinced along the way that, in all of the chaos that might be swirling around you on any given day, God is actively working to give you the right version of your life.  How much peace is there in that?!?

At the closing of her book, she talks about where she is now in life and motherhood, that she has ‘settled deep down in the groove of life watching my children… suddenly present, in mind and in body, how I wished I had been all along this journey to motherhood.”

But isn’t that all of us? Isn’t that the place we want to get to – that God is leading us to? A present-ness and rest in where we are now, a trust in Him that He is fully capable of guiding us through where we are now to whatever is next.  And being OK with where we are now, too. And it’s His grace that is covering us every step of that bumpy, messy dirt road.

Jamie goes on to say:

 

She continues:  “I pray that no matter what turns your life takes, you try to stay in the present and acknowledge the woman that you are becoming on this journey…”

That’s always the struggle, isn’t it? Our expectations vs. God’s reality. But Jamie encourages us to rest easy, regardless of how it looks and feels. God is indeed creating a masterpiece of every one of our lives. And not just our lives. He’s creating a masterpiece of us.

Through Jamie’s journey, she hits on all the major (and minor) struggles we face as moms, as women, as humans – in letting go of our plan and trusting in His better one. Her story displays that like a billboard on the interstate and is reflected in the stories of the other women from the Bible who have come before us.

Her story is really all of our stories: trading in our expectations of life (which are only ideas, not reality, as Jamie points out) and allowing God to exchange them for His reality. As Jamie insightfully notes, His reality is the ‘ right version’ of our lives. Discovering that truth will lead to to peace, to rest, to contentment, and if we let it, to wonder at what He is designing with our lives.

Do yourself a favor and grab this book. You can pre-order it now on Amazon. It’s a fantastic read for any woman, regardless of her life circumstances. Not only is it gripping, it’s set up so it can be used as a devotional or just some extra soul work as well.

Be sure to follow Jamie as well on her blog, Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter.  You won’t be sorry.

 

Click the image to get your copy on Amazon!