How to Reinvent Yourself
This isn’t a ‘how-to’ post.
I’m asking.
How do you reinvent yourself?
Maybe it’s just the week I’ve had. Maybe it’s the fact that I lost all my files at work since January 18 in a computer back-up glitch. Maybe it’s because I received a note from a parent of an 11th grader asking for more time on an project (assigned weeks ago) because of ‘homework overload.’
Maybe it’s because it is still below-freezing. Day.And.Night. The winter blues.
Maybe it’s just because I’m tired.
Maybe that’s why I’m asking this question.
This is nothing new. I’ve felt this way before – in the winter, in my teaching career, often at the same time: disgruntled, restless, cranky. But on days like this, my mind wanders and wonders, ‘Is this really what I should be doing? Maybe I’ve already peaked. Passed my prime.’
I hate being the snarky, impatient, grumbly teacher who complains. And on most days, I do love my job.
But today, I just feel tired. Tired of teaching kids who are too lazy to work, who are bored and disinterested, who give shoddy efforts. Tired of the silliness, the games, the casual attitudes. Tired of fighting. Tired of the song-and-dance to get them to pay attention and engage and turn in their work. Tired of the enormous amounts of energy this all takes. Tired of pouring out my heart and soul and feeling like it’s not getting through. Or working. They just don’t care like I do.
It’s draining at best and downright deflating at worst.
I know, they are kids. But they are kids on the cusp of adulthood. Is it too much to ask to see that sometimes?
In fairness, I have some really remarkable students. Students who make eye contact and nod and track with me instead of sleeping on their desks. Students who are diligent and give 100% instead of getting their work done the period before. Or the next day. Or the next week. Or never. Student who care. Students who realize this is all about preparing them for the plans God has for them. I have those students, too. They are my joy.
The other ones… they aren’t bad kids. They are kids. One-on-one, they are likable, pleasant, respectful. But I wonder if I’m losing my edge. I wonder if I’ve been doing this too long. I wonder if maybe 13 years is all I’ve got and I should let fresh, young blood take over.
These are the things I wonder.
So that brings me back to my question: How does one reinvent herself?
I’m not saying I’m walking out of teaching. But sometimes I let my mind wander….what would I do if I weren’t teaching? What would I want to do if I weren’t teaching?
People make these kinds of changes all the time. What would I do?
There’s a part of me that just feels sorry for myself and wants to whine, ‘Why can’t I just have babies and stay at home and write?”
And at the same time, I know that it really isn’t about what I want. It’s really not. It’s about what God wants.
So, I ask the questions:
God, is this where You want me? Are my feelings selfish, just about my own comfortability and needing to feel useful? Do You want me to keep doing what I’m doing as unto You, regardless of their response and the results I see or don’t see?
“How to Reinvent Yourself.” I was writing this post in my head tonight as I was grilling onions and burgers on the Foreman Grill and scrolling through Twitter at the same time.
Immediately, as the phrase entered my head, this is what came up on my Twitter feed:
Huh???
The very question I was asking. How do I know if what I’m feeling is from God???
Interesting…
I kept reading.
In her post, Amy Carroll gave some really practical advice on this issue: Assessing if your idea lines up with God’s Word, watching for confirmation, and being prepared to do hard work.
She also linked up to another previous post where she talked about how she had lost her zeal for a job she had always loved (teaching, coincidentally) and how God began to shift her calling into something that required her to take a leap of faith.
I’d be lying if I said this whole episode didn’t intrigue me. I have a hard time believing this was an interesting coincidence. However, I have no idea what God is saying, where God is leading me (if anywhere) or what kinds of plans He has for me.
What I can say is that I think the right thing for me to do is to start praying about it. I’m not certain that what I’ve been feeling is just ‘me feeling disgruntled.’ Maybe. But I’m not sure. So I’ll pray.
I don’t feel led to quit my job (right now). I don’t feel like He is calling me anywhere else (for the moment). He hasn’t put any other concrete vision on my heart (yet). All I can say is that I ‘think‘ this restlessness I feel ‘might‘ be God shifting things. I don’t know if that means maybe a slight shift in job description or responsibilities or teaching load at work? Or something altogether different? Or just something additional to what I’m doing outside my job?
I don’t know. It’s exciting. And scary.
Or it might be nothing.
But I think it’s right to be asking God these questions and seeing how He answers.
I don’t know how one reinvents oneself. But maybe that is the wrong question to be asking.
Maybe, it’s “God, how might You be reinventing me?”
Praying for you to have wisdom :). very exciting though 🙂
Thanks, Elisha! Like everything else, it’s still MORE waiting, lol….but I’m good with that! I feel like my life is already up in the air as it is! llol But He’ll lead. Always does.
Keep your head up! What is your gut feeling? Maybe you should listen to it. Maybe in a few months, you’ll have an answer to your question.
I’m hoping I’ll have an answer in time. My gut is a very confusing thing! lol I’m not very good at discerning or trusting it! I second-guess a lot…and all I’m sensing now is that some change might be in the future. No idea of anything more than that…but I think God might be preparing me, so when/if the opportunity for change comes, I don’t dismiss it so easily. Thanks for your input! Always welcome!
And also remember it is important to be happy with where you are. 🙂
I selfishly want you to Write a book! I love your writing so much and would love to see a novel with your name as the author!! I’ll be praying for you friend and I am so excited for the big plans God has in store for you, whether it involves Teaching, writing, mothering, (all of them) or anything else, I just know you’re great! 🙂
Ditto! Couldn’t have said it better myself!! 😀
Amy, you are super-sweet and kind! Thank you for those encouraging words. I truly hope God allows me some space in my life for more writing…it might just have to be blogging for now! I know He has plans for all of us! And I”m praying for you, too. So sorry about your most recent delay (I read a lot of blogs in between errands, at stop lights, etc – I don’t always get to comment in the moment – but I’m reading!) I pray you have lots of peace in this latest delay. So so hard…I know you know this but His timing is perfect. He really, really does have a reason for why there’s another wait involved. Don’t give up hope. I love your positive attitude. So, so admirable. Hang in there, girl. Praying you are feeling better and heal up, soon!
Oscar Wilde said, “Be yourself. Everybody else is taken.”
Whatever you end up doing, will be “God’s plan for you.” but perhaps He’s too busy with more important stuff, to hold your hand and put up road signs. Possibly it’s time for you to stop dithering and use the intellect and critical thinking ability He gave you, and “fish or cut bait.”
Yes, I agree to a point. I definitely believe that God wants us to use the brain He’s given us and be able to make decisions and choices. Definitely. But I also believe that He has created us for certain purposes and to accomplish certain things. So, I feel like if this is just something He wants me to ‘do if I want to,’ He’ll let me know and give me the freedom in my heart to do it. On the other hand, there still might be more for me to accomplish in teaching, so I don’t want to bail too quickly just b/c I’m feeling restless. Time will tell…it’s a lot to consider and I’ve always been a very calculated risk-taker!
Thanks for taking the time to read and comment! Truly appreciate it!
Praying for wisdom and peace for you in this time of decision making! Exciting AND a little scary!
Thanks, Logan! Always hard for me to decipher whether it’s me or God, but I’m sure if it’s Him, He will let me know! Scary for sure! I’m a little bit of a chicken!
Definitely scary and exciting… you’ll be in my prayers. The one thing I feel almost certain of these days is that my current job isn’t where God wants me to be, long-term. It certainly isn’t where I want to be ever! Will be praying for all of us that the next steps become clear.
I’ll pray that good changes come your way soon. As we know all too well from this infertility journey, it’s all about waiting. And it’s true for these career-change things, too. I definitely don’t want to be impulsive and jump ship just b/c it gets hard. I definitely want God to be in it. Pray God reveals His direction to you, too!
I know the feeling. Praying for guidance your way!
Thanks so much! It’s disconcerting but exciting at the same time! 🙂
You’re so right! We focus so much on what we can do for ourselves, when shouldn’t we really be asking what God wants to do with us? Will be praying for this scary/exciting season for you!
Thanks!!! It’s hard to remember that…but this really is HIS plan, not so much what I want. But it will be good!
Kate I feel your pain all because I’ve been there, done that, know what it’s really like. I refer to moments like these that you have described as a ‘melt-down.’ These are growing pains as you transition into a whole new dimension. It’s the end of one season and a preparation for coming into your new season in life. Spring is about to come upon you, so just let the wintery spiritual ‘dead leaves, and old branches fall off.’
Your valley may be dark yes, but trust God to see the bright light that’s at the end of the tunnel. He is renewing your mind, your heart, soul and spirit. Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning where you will experience new growth, strength, and empowerment. All you need to do, is rest in the presence of God! Give everything to Him in prayer and watch how He cause you to mount up on wings like an eagle. You are blessed this day of the Lord and always…
Wow, so encouraging, Yvonne! Thank you! I love how you said, ‘let the wintery spiritual ‘dead leaves and old branches fall off.’ Such a great image…and I know that if God is behind this, He will bring it around. My heart gets such a lift when I think of the metaphorical spring coming… thanks so much for letting God use you to encourage me!! 🙂 You are truly a blessing.
🙂 God bless you!
Although there are a lot of decisions to make, this is very exciting! Please keep us updated! When we submit ALL of our ways to Him, He guides us!! I know He is going to do that for you
I believe that, too, Caroline! I know that if a move is in order, He will make it clear to me. We’ll see! Thanks for your support, friend!
Wow Kate, I feel like I’m in the same exact shoes right now (have been for a few months now). I love what I’m doing in church (ministering to teens) and in outreach (working with girls in human trafficking) as well as sharing my heart in the blogsphere… but I feel like I’m missing something, that there’s more for me to do somehow somewhere and I just can’t grasp my mind around it, only pray and ask for direction from God. It’s exciting yet scary, especially because I’m really faithful in staying committed to what I am already doing, but I know that sooner or later if I want to do more it will require me getting out of my comfort zone and allowing God to lead me somewhere new.
I will pray that God will give you peace and guidance in where He wants to take you next in the “re-inventing process”. Whatever it may be I know He will open the right doors for you and give you discernment and understanding of what it is that He calls you to do. Be blessed!
Thanks, Anna! I will be doing the same for you, too! I can remember, before I was teaching, I felt the same way (I was working for Youth for Christ at the time). Although teaching is a much better fit for me, I feel the same restlessness. It’s hard to discern, b/c I’ve felt restless before and it was just a tough season of teaching. But it will be interesting to see what God reveals and what He does. For now, I’m just praying. And I know He’ll do the rest. I’ll be praying for you, also!
Prayer is always the best place to start! Reminds me of this quote: “Good endings come from prayerful beginnings.” 🙂 God will certainly take care of the rest when you seek Him first!
Great quote! Love this!
Oh, Kate! I know exactly how you feel.
Have been there many times in my life. Your words could be mine.This last one of mine, is going on for ever, maybe because my daughter and I chose this period and all that life presents us with to grow together. No matter how hard and hurtful life is right now, we are OK because we “know” that like all the other crises, this one shall pass, too. Deep down you know that too.
Times like these are transitional. Preparation and testing to prove what we are made off. I don’t belive that God puts us in such places, although He is there guiding us out. I believe that our soul, before it comes to thil life, has chosen all the courses that will teach her the lessons she needs to learn. We are here to learn lessons and gradually grow in strenght, patience, love and understading, wisdom and spirituality.
The way we handle hardships will be the decisive factor whether we move up, down, or stay in a standstill of no growth.
God is with and within you! Stay faithful and be the person you were created to be, and soon enough you’ll be on paths that will take you where you are supposed to go.
Blessings and Light my sweet friend!
Kate, I invite you to read a post by my daughter Kathy and me and how we grow even through the worst crisis of our lives, at… http://journeyswithkatina.com/2013/11/26/lord-as-provid…h-for-finances/
Thanks so much for your words of wisdom, Katina. I truly treasure them. It’s an interesting journey, but it really helps to remember that God is guiding me to a place only He knows. And since I don’t know where it is, there’s no pressure on me; I can just trust Him to lead me there. Thanks so much for reading and for your comments. I will definitely be by to read your blog!
I teach and I can tell you I’m being pulled to something else and I can’t quite put my finger on it, but I’m looking to make a leap too. It’s amazing how this journey can change your outlook on so many things. I hope the clarity you seek finds you soon!
I hope you do, too! Teaching is such a great profession, but it is SO demanding. Even when things are good, it takes so much out of you. I definitely would be scared to take the plunge and leave…I would really have to know God was moving me out…unless things get REALLY bad, lol. But somehow, they always bounce back. Looking forward to hearing how it works out for you, too!!
These are good questions and good thoughts. I feel like I’m in the same situation as you. Wanting to make a career change, but not sure when or how. I look forward to seeing what God reveals to both of us as we figure it out.
Yes! I’ll be praying for you, too! It’s hard, isn’t it? Especially when infertility is such a big question mark in making plans. But that’s where we are blessed to be able to rely upon God. HE knows His plans for us – and He, too, knows how to get us there! Thinking of you!
I don’t like the phrase “re-inventing myself”. Discovering your true path or following God’s path is closer. The Native Americans talk of the Red Road, the path with heart. We Jews have 613 commandments in the Old Testament to point us on our way. The laws of the Bible and other religions are perhaps a good framework to build on, but we seem to need, each one of us, to find his or her own way. Teaching is a noble profession.
Thanks for reading and for your comments. I wrestled with the idea of ‘reinventing’ – as you read in my post. I definitely feel ‘following God’s path’ is definitely more accurate. It’s tricky trying to discover that. It’s not always clear cut, but I do believe God created each of us with certain gifts and talents and a purpose to use those. And sometimes the path changes. Sometimes not. But it’s kind of exciting to see where it will lead. Thanks for reading and coming by!
My pleasure.
Wonderful Kate. I look forward to see how God will direct you. Change can be a scary thing, but also very exciting and refreshing. Especially as a Christian, knowing that are lives are orchestrated by God. I’ll pray that God gives you clear direction, confirmation and open doors for what He has for you. I believe that as we are walking in the center of His will, that is where we will be at peace.
Blessings =)
Staci
Thanks so much, Staci! I get antsy, but when I do just as you described, yes– I’m at peace.. B/c you are right…only when we are close to Him and are content just to be close to Him…we really are in the best position to be led. So, for now…just prayers, waiting and just doing what I’m doing Thanks so, so much for your prayers!
HI Katie
Take a look at my blog, it will surprise or shock you, I only deal in the naked truth, but you will definitely, see yourself in another light. LET ME KNOW IF IT WAS OF ANY HELP OR WAY OFF THE MARK.
Thank you! I will take a look!
my link http://specialistadvice.wordpress.com/